


City Lights

by notkiva



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: Frerard, M/M, Ugh, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:59:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkiva/pseuds/notkiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After six months of the band being well over, Gerard gathers up the courage to do something he should have done a long time ago..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this was originally a standalone, so i may or may not continue it [it depends on the feedback] enjoy!

 

Gerard's finger hovered over Frank's name wearily, his other finger stuck into his mouth which he was chewing nervously. They hadn't spoken since the split; every time Gerard got up the courage to call or text, Bandit or Lindsey would walk in or he'd lose his train of thought. Gerard was almost glad they hadn't spoken, considering the way they left things.   
Frank had been furious, Gerard could feel him shaking from pain and anger through the phone. Gerard tried to be as calm as he could, explaining to Frank why they just had to end it, but all he got back was harsh words, choked sobs, and broken whimpers. It hurt Gerard, too. It was no walk in the park, he too was holding back sobs. He wanted to hold Frank, he wanted to be with all the guys and just put the pieces back together. But he couldn't. Gerard couldn't hold Frank, who was hundreds of miles away from him. He couldn't pick up the pieces.   
Once again, Gerard closed his address book and banged his head on his desk for the fourth time this morning. He didn't sleep last night, much like all the nights before this dating back to February. Most nights, he'd stay awake until about 3am, maybe later; drawing, writing, cleaning, reading, anything to keep his mind off of things. Then, even if he was drastically exhausted, Gerard would automatically wake at 6:30am each morning. Routine was simple yet extremely important to Gerard. Days almost seemed to drag by like years; he missed the days in the van where days slipped through they're fingers. They never had routine.   
Sighing heavily and combing his fingers through his hair, Gerard powered up his laptop and sat back, tapping a familiar yet generic beat on the arm rest. All part of the routine, checking e-mails, answering the important ones and dumping the spam. Then, of course, checking his twitter account. The mentions, retweets, and favorites he scrolled through were exactly the same as the day before, generic and uninteresting. A few caught his eye, only to lose him due to the fact this question had been asked at least twenty times in the past minute.. all by the same person.   
What was not part of the routine, however, was the way Gerard's index finger clicked onto his 'following' tab and scrolled all the way down to frnkiero. Gerard smiled at the missing vowel and continued onto his profile. The bio made him chuckle, because of course Frank would be proud of being named 'Best Dad In The World.' Frank's tweets were vague and in no way towards fans. Not at all like Gerard's. His eyes skittered nervously over the few tweets as if someone would walk in and say 'Ha! Gotcha! Looking at your old bandmate's tweets I see!'   
Gerard, feeling quite brave today, then clicked on Frank's blog link. This would be his first visit since it was created.   
In awe, he quickly read over the dribble and long paragraphs crammed with metaphors and similes. By the end of all blog posts, Gerard was reduced to tears, which were visibly falling down his cheeks like summer rain. Closing out of the website, Gerard pushed back from his desk and clutched his cell phone to his chest.  
It's stupid, really. The way Frank's words had a way of coiling themselves around Gerard's heart and squeezing just enough to make him feel again. Numbly, Gerard sat on the bed he shared with the woman he vowed to love. It was empty and cold, there were no sounds in the house, as Bandit was asleep across in the left wing. Gerard's catching breath and nearly inaudible whimpers filled the empty space. In his hand, the still, cold, cell phone lay.   
Cautiously, slowly, Gerard unlocked it and immediately it opened up to 'Contacts.' Take a deep breath, Gerard thumbed down to 'F' and located Frank's contact immediately. Unlike the rest of Gerard's rather formal names in his contact list, Frank was listed under "Frank-en-stein" with an emoji of a skull, because Frank had said that it looked 'totally trusty punk.' Gerard grinned a little before pressing the pad of his finger onto his contact.   
Instantly, it began calling. Gerard's breath quickened as he had a mini anxiety attack. For a moment he thought of just pressing the end button and changing his number, but it was too late. The timer started, the ringing stopped. Frank picked up. There was no 'Hello?' from the end. It sounded like Frank was breathing a little too fast also. For a minute, they said nothing. What was there to say? Gerard hadn't even planned this out, Frank sure as hell never expected it.   
Finally, his voice breaking, Gerard spoke.  
"F-frank?" He stuttered a little and bit his lip; he drew blood.  
There was no answer, just the sound of Frank's breath catching in his throat.  
Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and took another deep breath.   
And finally, with just six words, Gerard let out everything he had been feeling for almost half a year.

When Gerard had called the 22nd of March, Frank knew something was up. After he got the news, he yelled and cried and screamed and pleaded, and after that, he did nothing. For a few days Frank had just slept, and when he wasn't sleeping, he was pretending to. The kids were getting worried, Jamia was even more worried.   
The poetry seemed to spew out of is mouth, spit flying and keys breaking from the impact in which Frank hit them. Since the day of the split Frank and Gerard didn't speak. Frank tried, over and over, to call, e-mail, text, tweet, something. But it didn't happen. It couldn't, because it was over, and after all, there's not much you can do to fix an 'idea.'  
This particular morning, Frank was feeling great, he was on a road trip with Dewees again, just traveling for the hell of it; he really needed to get away from it all sometimes. When Frank's phone rang, he'd expected a hundredth call from one of the twins or Jam, but it wasn't. "Gee" popped up on the screen, he had to do a double take. His fingers started shaking as they moved to the answer button, Dewees driving oblivious next to him. Finally, his heart beating loud enough for anyone to hear, Frank answered, and didn't say anything. For the minute they were silent, Frank wanted to crawl out of the skin that barely fit him anymore, but instead, he waited. And then he heard it. Broken and painful sounding, his name hit his ears like a tidal wave. The octaves of Gerard's voice that he hadn't heard in almost half a year filled his senses and he couldn't breathe. Once again, not saying anything, he waited. What came next was enough to stop Frank's heart, and maybe even Gerard's.  
"Frankie.. I-I miss you.. So much."


	2. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phone call is lost in a car ride

Two days later Gerard boarded a plane to Northern New Jersey. Lindsey had come home shortly after the phone call, just as Bandit was waking. As Lindsey walked in, Bandit perched on her hip, Gerard wiped the few remaining drops on his cheeks and grinned. Then, he sat them down and told him he was leaving; just for a while, to clear his head. Lindsey seemed worried, despite the smile on her husbands face, something was going on. 

"Well, where are you going?" Her face was straight but laced with curiosity. Gerard smiled a bit and thought back to the conversation he just had..

_"F-frankie... I miss you.. So much." Gerard bit his lip and waited for Frank's answer. Before the line went dead, he'd heard three words, uttered so quietly he wasn't sure he'd heard them right._

_"Then come home."_

_  
_"Gerard?" Her voice stern now. Gerard took her hand and looked at her apologetically.

"I'm going home."

 

Saying goodbye wasn't easy, nor was it hard. Lindsey gave him a stiff hug and kiss on the cheek, their marriage getting bumpier and bumpier since the split. When Gerard crouched down to see Bandit off, she flung her arms around his neck and squeezed tight.

"Come home soon, Daddy." She kissed his cheek as well and smiled. "Tell Uncle Frankie I said hi!" 

Gerard kissed the top of her hair lovingly and gave her one last squeeze.

"You know I will, B." Lindsey scooped her up quickly and noded curtly at Gerard before turning around and walking towards the exit, Bandit waving at him behind Lyn's back. 

 

The ride was uncomfortable and long. Switches in every other city was tedious, Gerard just wanted to taste the Jersey air. He did, however, have a long time to think about things. About what he'd say when he got there, and what he'd do. Gerard's mind was crammed with possiblities, dreams, and impossibilities. Soon, Gerard's mind was blank as the night sky, and then he was asleep. 

Waking up to a gray sky shouldn't be exciting and unnerving, but for Gerard, it was. His eyes lit up, and his stomach dropped. He was here.

Quickly making his way off the plane and through customs, Gerard hurried his way through crowds of people and luggage. Of course, he had no car, and called his mother to pick him up.

Donna Way appeared no more than thirty minutes later, her platinum hair sticking out of the crowd. Her hug was warm, familiar, and extremely long. Frank wasn't the only person he'd lost touch with. Donna gave Gerard a few more squeezed and kisses before plowing through the crowd and into her old Outback, pulling Gerard all the way.

The car thrumming under them was the only noise in the small car. Donna had been angry about the break up too; they were her boys. She tried small talk, but Gerard just looked out the window and bit his thumb nail. When they pulled up to Frank's house, Gerard looked like a mess. His knee was bobbing up and down, his thumb nail looked nearly gone, and Gerard's hair stuck up in ten different spots from where he tugged on it nervously. Donna leaned over and pet his hair down, smiling. Gerard smiled too and kissed her on the cheek before cautiously climbing out of the car and waving goodbye.

There was only one car in the driveway. The ten steps it took to reach the door felt like years upon years. Gerard's heart was beating like a mouse's, his breathing was irregular and sparse. 

This was it. He'd knock and Frank would open the door in his plaid pajama pants and Bowie t-shirt, Gerard just knew it. And then, well, he didn't know what would happen next. Gerard had no god damn idea and it scared the shit out of him. Frank didn't even know he was coming, or that it was so soon. 

Gerard's palms were sweaty as he lifted his fist to knock. Dog's barks filled the air only six seconds later and Frank's voice yelling at them to stop. His heart stopped and gained speed all at once, and then the door opened. 

Frank was not wearing pajama pants or a Bowie shirt. He was dressed in black jeans and a red V-neck, vans covered his feet. It looked like he'd just gotten out of the shower, shaved too. His face didn't give anything away; he didn't smile or frown, his eyes didn't even change. Completely blank, he held the door open and looked at Gerard. His mouth opening and closing, Gerard didn't know what to say. Instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, studying a less than uninteresting piece of grass. Frank broke the silence. 

"I didn't think you'd come." Gerard's face snapped up and stared at Frank.

"Can I come in?" Frank nodded.

 


	3. Late dawns and early sunsets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Frank chat face to face.

Gerard stepped into Frank's house like he was stepping on broken glass, slowly and alert. Frank closed the door behind him and waited patiently for Gerard to make his way to the living room. Instead, Gerard took his time in the short hall. On the walls hung framed photos of kids, friends, parents, pets, and some scenery. Frank had moved since Gerard was here last, to a bigger house since Miles was born. Frank cleared his throat, urging Gerard forward, and Gerard's hand snapped back from a frame. They continued down the hall. Reaching the living room, they sat on opposite couches, facing each other. The house seemed quiet, no sounds of kids running through rooms and crying. The dogs, familiar with Gerard seperated to their parts of the floor, laying dutifully at Frank's feet. Not even the sound of Jamia's rustling around could be heard. Gerard broke the silence.

"Where's everyone?" Frank stared at him for a moment, his eyes flickered from his eyes to his mouth. 

"Upstate New York. She took the kids to visit her parents. We're fighting, me and Jam.." Gerard frowned and leaned back.

"Lyn and I, too... She barely even sai-" Frank leaned forward suddenly and Gerard stopped mid sentence.

"Why are you here, Gerard." Frank's eyes looked sunken and dull. Though he was clean and shaven, his appearance seemed so drab and tired. Gerard bit his thumb nail once more and closed his eyes.

"Because you told me to come." Frank sighed and threw his hand down on the coffee table between them, looking away. Now leaning forward as well, Gerard slid his hand forward and curled it around Frank's wrist, slowly moving his fingers up Frank's palm. Their fingers locked between them, Gerard squeezed and Frank still looked away. "I came home." And with that, Frank's head snapped up and he quickly drew his hand from Gerard's.

"Fucking stop, Gerard, okay? Do you.. Do you know how fucking bad I hurt? You fucking asshole, I don't even know why you came. You can't fix anything. Just go home to your perfect family in your perfect house in your perfect fucking city and just leave me alone." Frank's eyes welled with tears and he crossed his arms, pointedly looking at the door.

"Frankie, please, I came here for you.." Frank snorted and combed his fingers through his hair. 

"Bullshit. You came here to fix something that should've never been broken. Well let me tell you something, you can't do it, so stop trying." Frank shook his head and laughed sarcastically. "You destroyed it on purpose, I think you want it to be left broken." And then Gerard exploded.

"You know what Frank?  _I made a mistake_ , I'd take it all back in a heart beat if it meant I could just  _have you_ again. But I can't, I made a commitment, and so did you. I can tell we're not talking about the band anymore, Frank. Stop trying to be poetic.  _I'm sorry,_ I miss you, you  _know_  that-" Frank cut him off again, this time standing and clenching his fists.

"Then act like it, you fuck! The one thing I had to hold on to and you fucking  _ripped_ it out of my hands! Do you even know how hard it is to stay in a band with  _you_ of all people, but then have  _you_ end it? Do you know how much it meant to  _me?_   I gave my all into that band, I lived and breathed it, for the band, for the kids, for the guys, for  _you_ , Gerard, and you fucking took that away from me. And now you want to come into my home and tell me that you're  _sorry?_  And that you  _missed me?_   Fuck you, Gerard. Just fuck you."

Frank stormed out of the living room, slamming his study door behind him. 

From the moment Gerard had gotten here, he'd felt so calm. Everything seemed as though all would work out, Frank would forgive them and everything would go back to the way it was. Maybe the band would stay gone, but he'd have Frank, and that's all he needed, really. What he did not expect, was this. He did not expect yelling or anger. He expected embraces and smiles. Instead, Frank's words rang through his head, and Gerard sat numb. 

Just like every time Frank was upset, he'd go to his study usually to work on a blog post or new song, and just like every time, he'd fall asleep on the small love seat in the corner. This is where Gerard found him, curled around a pillow. Gerard smiled then, because he'd seen this exact position before on the couch in studio four years back. Gently, Gerard scooped him up, which was worryingly easy, and set off to find his room. It took a couple times, giggling when he'd seen the twins' room which was filled with cartoon monsters and aquatic creatures, or Miles' room which was soft baby blue and had little painted guitars everywhere; his little rock star. Finally, Gerard's arms almost giving out from Frank's weight, he found his room. The walls were white, but you could barely see the color due to the mass amounts of photos everywhere. His bed lay in the center of the room, a dark gray color. Gerard set him down there, pulling the covers over him petting the hair out of his face; a force of habit. He took this time to wander about the room, studying the photos and paintings and things. Gerard was almost through all of them when he heard the sheets rustle, and Frank's timid and quiet voice.

"Gerard.. Will you uh, will you lay with me?"


	4. Pillow Talk

Gerard froze and turned to look at Frank. His face was half covered by the sheet, an obvious blush graced his face. Frank had asked Gerard to lay with him. After all the pain Gerard had put Frank through, he still wanted to be held; and Gerard couldn't help but oblige. 

Gerard curled himself around Frank's back and slid an arm around his waist. Unlike Gerard and Lindsey, they fit like two puzzle pieces. Gerard and Lindsey always meshed together like puzzle pieces in which weren't made for each other, but were smushed together anyways, leaving the corners wrinkly and damaged. 

Frank pressed into Gerard and grabbed his clammy hand. Gerard pressed as close as possible and kissed the back of Frank's neck softly and buried his face into his shoulder. Squeezing Gerard's hand once more, Frank smiled and closed his eyes.

"Welcome home."

 

When Frank woke up Gerard was still curled tightly around him and drooling on his new pillow, fluffy brown hair casting shadows against the stark white of the pillow. Frank grinned and turned himself so he was facing Gerard, a hand still planted firmly on his hip. He glanced down at Gerard's lips which were opening and closing as he breathed. Even chapped and lopsided, Frank thought they were perfect. He could just lean forward and kiss him, and it would be okay, because it was Gerard. Once again, though, something stopped him. The last time they'd kissed. It was the night after they'd gotten in that huge fight on stage. Frank broke a tooth. 

_"What the fuck was that, Frank?" Frank sat sullenly in the corner, holding his aching jaw._

_"I just wanted to get a rise out of you, sorry for having a little fucking fun." Blood dribbled out of his mouth and he winced._

_Gerard tugged on his hair and sat down on the counter._

_"Frank.. Me and Lyn, we're getting pretty serious.. I can't do this- this_ thing _with you anymore!" Frank rolled his eyes and laughed, even though it hurt like a bitch._

_"What," getting up, he made his way over to Gerard, straddling him and wrapping his arms loosely around Gerard's neck. "You gonna ask her to marry you?" Gerard looked away but made no move to push him away. "Me and Jamia are pretty serious, that doesn't stop me from doing this.." Frank grabbed Gerard's chin and tilted his head up, looking him in the eye. Slowly he leaned down and pushed his lips to Gerard's. The kiss tasted like blood. It lasted a few minutes before Gerard pushed him forcefully off and wiped his mouth._

_"You know what? Yeah, I am going to ask her to marry me. So this? This_ sick _fucking_ thing  _we have going on has to stop. Now. It's done, Frank."_

_  
_Gerard opened his eyes then, snapping Frank from his blast-from-the-past.

"Hey," Gerard squeezed Frank's hip and brushed some hair out of his face. 

"Hey Gee." Frank blushed, he hadn't called him that for far too long. Gerard looked down and bit his lip.

"So I'm home now, yeah?" Frank nodded slowly and lifted Gerard's chin up. 

"Yeah Gerard, you uhm- you're home." Their fingers laced together and with that, Gerard really was home.

 

Kissing Gerard was different than kissing Jamia. Jamia's lips were never chapped, and there was no hint of stubble around her mouth. She tasted like cherries and toothpaste while Gerard tasted like stale cigarettes and vanilla hazelnut coffee. Gerard's lips were always chapped despite the mass amounts of tubes of chapstick he had laying around, and he always forgot to shave when he was nervous. Despite all of this, though, Gerard's lips were Frank's favorite. They locked, like they were made for each other. Gerard was always so gentle when he kissed Frank. He kissed slow, almost lazy, and took extreme detail to Frank's mouth. The hole where Frank's lipring used to be caught Gerard's attention most of all.

"I wish you'd never taken it out." Gerard swiped Frank's bangs away again and ran a finger over his jaw.

"Jam didn't like it." Gerard frowned and leaned down again. He kissed his jaw lightly, sending shivers up Frank's spine. 

"I neglected to tell you how much I missed you, I think." Gerard leaned up again and smiled.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you tell me about it then." He nodded and hovered over Frank on his elbows.

"Well, for one I missed your mouth. Did I ever tell you how much you taste like pancakes?" Frank giggled. "You know how much I love pancakes.. Hmm, what else. Oh yeah, I missed your stupid tattoos. Lindsey's are cool but yours tell stories." Gerard trailed a finger down Frank's chest and thumbed over the swallows. "I missed your pot giggle, don't even try to pretend you don't hit the  _peace pipe_ once in a while. See! That laugh. And I missed your fingers, is that freaky? I don't care.." Gerard picked up Frank's hand and kissed his fingertips gently. " _Bela,_ your stupid eyebrows, and your little nose. It's adorable. Your eyes, it's hard to not get lost in them, you know that?" Frank blushed and crossed his eyes, laughing hysterically. "I missed you so much Frankie, and now I have you, and I don't know what to do." Gerard rolled off Frank and closed his eyes, their hands still clasped together.

"Gerard, why the fuck are we so stupid?" 

"Because we're in love."


	5. How Did We End Up Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because we're in love"

They lay there quiet. Gerard knew he loved Frank, he did, but didn't Gerard love Lindsey too? Didn't Frank love Jamia? They both had kids, houses and pets. Both families seemed perfectly content with they had and didn't have. Gerard turned on his side to look straight at Frank, who did the same.

"Yeah, but like, I love Lyn, y'know? We have B together. She loves me too. I love you too, but don't you love Jam? And the kids? What are we  _doing_." Gerard sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Frank ran his fingers smoothly over Gerard's chest and kissed the spot over his right nipple.

"Of  _course_ I love Jam and the kids. And I love _you,_ okay? Maybe people don't get that, maybe they never will, but we love each other, and that's that." Gerard peeked from under his fingers and smiled a little. "You know I would've never married Jamia if you would've chose me.." Frank whispered, frowning. Gerard sat up and pulled Frank closer onto his lap almost.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think.. We were fighting and I thought it was for the better," Frank looked away but pressed closer to Gerard's chest. "I  _wanted_ to choose you, Frankie,  I wasn't all the way better yet." Gerard kissed the top of his head and fell silent. It was true, Gerard  _wasn't_ better yet. It had been a long time since the booze and the drugs, but he still felt vulnerable. He was still pretty young, still figuring shit out. Meeting Lindsey for the second time seemed like fate at the time, she was in his favorite band after all. They only dated for a few weeks, but after that fight with Frank, he felt like he had to make a point, and just marry her. So he did. Right after that show, he proposed to her at the Blink-182 show they attended together. She quickly agreed, and even as he hugged her and gave her a huge kiss, his thoughts wandered to Frank, and what it would feel like to propose to him. 

Gerard got married only a few days later, in a parkinglot somewhere with a few witnesses. Frank was nowhere to be found, however, he did hear rumors that Ray found him crying in his bunk. Ray was sworn to secrecy, apparently, and wouldn't tell Gerard the truth. Next thing Gerard knew, Frank was marrying Jamia. They still didn't speak outside of the band, but Gerard showed up to Frank's wedding in his best suit and tie, because he wasn't going to miss the oppurtunity of seeing Frank happy again. When they did make eye contact, though, Frank looked away quickly and kissed Jamia. They seemed  _so_ happy. 

Thinking back to this now, Gerard could see that, no, Frank  _wasn't_ happy, he was just a great actor. He did love Jamia, he gave her kids and a great life. And Gerard was happy with Lindsey, he didn't necessarily see himself growing old with her, but he loved Bandit more than anything, and he would make it work. 

"I love Jamia." Frank said, completely out of the blue. 

"I love Lindsey." Gerard agreed.

"I love you more though. I mean, I'd rather have you. Is that shitty?" Gerard shook his head and sighed.

"Of course not. I'd rather you, too." 

 

Gerard spent the week with Frank. It felt extremely domestic. Every morning, Gerard would wake up and find Frank in the kitchen, brewing coffee and making pancakes. Gerard would grab Frank from behind, usually scaring the shit out of him, and give him a kiss on the cheek. They'd eat together, and do the dishes. Sometimes they'd shower seperately, or together depending on the day. In the afternoon, Gerard would walk the dogs for Frank while he stayed at the house and clean any mess they might have made. And in the evening, they'd curl up on the couch and watch a movie picked by Gerard, because he was the guest. More often then not, they'd fall asleep on the couch, and Gerard would have to trip through the dark of the living room with Frank cradled in his arms. Then, after their long day of just living, Gerard would tuck Frank in and curl himself around Frank's fragile body, falling asleep, the cycle restarting itself. 

Gerard missed Bandit, he really did and he could tell that Frank missed his kids too, but Gerard just felt so right with Frank blanketed safely under his arm; with  _him_. He felt too comfortable, too used to the sound of Frank's snores instead of Lyn's soft breathing. The crisp Jersey air instead of the polluted damp air of L.A. Gerard wanted to stay here forever, just Frank and him; but his time was dwindling down. 


	6. Chapter 6

Lindsey never liked that Gerard and Frank were so close, that was obvious. When they first started dating, she'd rub it in Frank's face a lot, but he never said anything. She didn't like the idea that Gerard might not love  _only_  her; when she figured out that Gerard was off to see Frank of all people, she wasn't exactly happy. And that's why they'd been on the phone for two hours.

"Gerard it's time for you to come  _home._ "  _This is my home,_  Gerard thought. Lindsey's impatient tapping sounded from the other lline. 

"Lyn, I'm just trying to figure things out over here, I'll be back in a few weeks.." Lindsey snorted.

"A  _few weeks?_  You've had a few weeks. Bandit needs her father here, not across the country playing house with and ex-bandmate." Gerard tightened his grip on the reciever and took a deep breath. "What? Is this your special way of telling me you want a  _divorce?_  Fucking hell, Gerard, you're either with me, or you're with Frank." She spat out. Gerard threw the phone at the wall.

" _FUCK!"_ Gerard screamed, kicking the table and gripping his hair tightly. His phone lay there in pieces next to the fireplace, he looked at it angrily. Frank jogged in with a worried expression on his face.

"Gee?" He ran over to Gerard and put his arms around him. "Babe, what's wrong?" Gerard was crying now, clutching onto Frank's chest and whimpering. Frank dragged them to the couch and pulled Gerard over him, cradling him close and cooing into his ear. "It's okay, baby, shhh.." Then, because the moment called for it, Frank started singing  _Asleep_  by The Smiths. His voice was high pitched and gravelly, kind of off-key and whiny, but Gerard seemed to stop crying. 

"Who am I trying to kid?" Gerard whispered. "I keep trying to make things work with Lindsey, for Bandit's sake, and I just  _can't_ anymore. We just don't  _work_. She doesn't get me, we rushed into things way to fast, I feel like I barely even know her... How am I supposed to make things work if I don't want them to? It's so fucked up, Frankie.." Gerard sighed and sat up. Frank looked thoughtful for a second, looping his arms around Gerard's hips. 

"Talked to Jam today." Gerard nodded and chewed on his thumb nail. "She thinks it's better if we take a break. She gets it." Frank smiled.

"So you're breaking up?" Gerard frowned and layed his head on Frank's shoulder.

"I mean, yeah, I guess. It's not really a huge deal, we're barely married. Just for the kids, y'know? I love her, trust me, but I just love her as the mother of my kids.. Maybe not like I love  _you_." They looked at each other for a little sadly. "We are  _so_  fucked up." 

Gerard leaned forward, just about to kiss Frank when Frank's house phone rang. 

"I got it." Frank leaped up and answered. "Hello? Oh, hey.. Yeah.. Yup.. Here you go." Frank covered the speaker and motioned that it was for Gerard. Wearily, Gerard lifted the phone to his ear.

"Gerard?" It was Lindsey.

"Yes?"

"I'm leaving you, Gerard. I can't  _do_  this anymore. I can't live my life with you knowing that you love someone more than me. I tried to make it work, I did, for B, and I can't anymore. I love you, Gerard, you're such a great guy, but I think I have to let you live your life happily..." Gerard slid down the wall and stared blankly ahead. "We don't need to do some huge court thing, okay? We'll figure something out for B.. And I'm not taking your money either. I think I'll just take Bandit up to my mom's for a while, the house will be here and I won't be. I promise I won't try to take your daughter away, but I can't be with you anymore." She was crying now, pausing every few words. "Gerard? You there?" 

"I'm here, Lyn.."

"Good.. Just, get happy, okay?"

"Okay Linds.. I love you."

"I love you too, Gerard." The line went dead. 

Gerard always knew they'd end up apart, but he never imagined how it would feel. He wasn't sad, exactly, actually kind of relieved. He was, however, very empty feeling. Gerard sat there for a while just thinking.  _What the fuck was he going to do?_  

"Gerard?" Frank pattered over to him and squated down. "Gee, let's go to bed." Gerard let Frank pick him up and carry him there, because frankly he didn't give a fuck right now. 

Once they were wrapped up together and facing each other, Gerard finally let out a few sobs. Frank kissed the top of his head and pulled him closer. 

"We'll figure shit out."


	7. If You Love Me Let Me Go

Twenty four hours later Gerard was on a plane back to Los Angeles. He had to get back, just for a while; it was time to figure shit out. Frank didn't want Gerard to go, in fact he'd even asked to go with him at one point, but Gerard needed to be alone. It was hard saying goodbye. At first, it was awkward. Gerard lingered at the door a little longer than  normal and tried to restrain himself from reaching over and tucking that wild clump of hair behind Frank's ear. When it came to actually saying goodbye, they hugged for what seemed like hours, and Gerard left him with a chaste kiss on the lips. 

The whole flight was extremely nerve wrecking. Lindsey would be gone, like she said, so he wouldn't see B until the divorce was figured. He didn't even want to know what Frank's break up was going to be like. Frank seemed a little too sure about the outcome. 

When Gerard finally dragged himself and his luggage up to his door and searched his pockets for the keys, he was absolutely exhausted. Frank's smile danced around his thoughts and he felt a little better. 

Grandpa's catfood bowl was filled up and the litter box was clean, so the sitter had been here, and the house seemed clean. Untouched. Lindsey must have left right after they got off the phone. 

Gerard wandered aimlessly around the house, gazing into his art studio then shutting the door quietly. He didn't feel too creative today. Finally, Gerard's back hit his bed that seemed much more stiff and cold than Frank's. It really  _was_  time to figure shit out.

First things first, would Frank even  _want_ to be "with" Gerard after the divorce? Maybe he'd want to pull the whole thing off, live alone for a while, maybe find a different boyfriend. The remaining fans wouldn't know what to think. They'd be angry, most likely, calling Gerard a liar. Some would be happy, that is, if they found out. Gerard and Frank's divorces would seem a little odd, being so close to one another. Very fishy. 

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes.

 _And the kids._ He thought, groaning inwardly. 

Of course Gerard would want to see Bandit as much as Lindsey allowed him, and Frank would want to see his kids, but what would they tell them? Explaining that mommy and daddy won't be together anymore is hard enough, but to tell them that  _they're_ together now? It's fucking crazy! Completely illogical, yet no matter how much Gerard tried, he couldn't find anything bad or unnerving about it. 

Gerard  _wanted_ to be with Frank, more than anything, with every fiber of his being. He was more sure of this than anything. Gerard wanted to be there when Miles learned to walk, or when Cherry and Lily started talking about boys; he wanted their kids to grow up together on the weekends, and spend the weekdays growing old  _together_. 

_Did Frank want the same thing?_

Shaking his head and clearing his thoughts, Gerard pulled out his phone and called Frank. It rang two times before Frank's voice sounded bright and awake from the other line. It was mid morning in NJ.

"Uncle Jiggy!" Gerard laughed and curled up in the corner of his bed. 

"I haven't heard anyone use that nickname since 2008, Frankie." Frank giggled. "Anyways, I'm home now.. Everything seems extremely sterile. I think I'll write a song." 

"Yeah? You gonna let me help you?" 

"Of course." There was an awkward pause, Gerard could tell Frank was thinking about the band.

"When are you coming home?" Gerard picked at the hem of his jeans.

"I'm still thinking."

"Thinking that you don't want to go through with this?" Frank said, his voice cracking a little. 

"No, just thinking about all the possible outcomes. What about Jamia? The kids? Lindsey?" Gerard's worries washed over him once again.

"Baby, calm down, okay? I'm leaving the house and everything else to Jam and the kids, she deserves it. Lyn has enough that she'll probably get a house closer to her parents... And if you want, you could- I don't know- sell that house of yours and we can, I don't know..." Frank trailed off.

"What?"

"Maybe we could get a place of our own, right here in NJ.. Where we belong." Gerard's heart started beating rapidly at the thought of having his own place with Frank.  _Theirs_. 

"I'd love that, Frankie." Gerard choked out, a few tears stung his eyes. 

"We'll make it happen, okay? I  _promise_. We'll have rooms for the kids to visit, and an art studio.. A music studio.. We'll be in the woods because I know how much you love when the leaves change colors.. In the winter, we'll sit by the fireplace and listen to old Frank Sinatra albums on my shitty record player and drink coffee.. When summertime comes, we can lay in bed all day, because  _fuck the heat._ And since I know it's your favorite, in the spring, we can plant those weird little flowers. We'll grow old together on our rickety porch, and scare kids who think the house is haunted. Because it's us, Gerard," Frank paused and took a deep breath. "It's us, and it's forever." 

Gerard was crying now, trying not to make it obvious, but apparently it was because Frank was humming quietly. Finally, Gerard took a deep breath and put the phone up to his ear.

" _Yes_ _."_  

 

They talked for hours, about their house, kids, and soon to be ex-wives. Gerard got under the covers and closed his eyes, just listening to the animated hum of Frank's voice talking about records. Since it was 6am in L.A, and around 9am in Jersey, Gerard quietly drifted off to sleep.  _He was going home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't the end yet.. stay tuned!


	8. It Was An Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. Short and not very well written, I know. Maybe I'll rewrite it another day. Thank you for reading :) xokiva

Two months later Gerard was carrying boxes into Lyn's new house closer to her mother, Bandit trailing along with a handful of smushed crayons. Lindsey wipes her hands on the back of her dirty jeans, smiling primly at Gerard.

"You didn't have to help," Gerard shakes his head and sits down on the covered couch. "Thank you, though." 

Gerard shrugs and ruffles hair hair a little. "It's no problem, I mean.. It's the least that I could do." Gerard's car engine humming from outside the garage patiently. Standing up, Gerard claps his hands and smiles. "I should get going." Bandit skips in the door, her short pigtails bouncing. 

"Daddy! You're going now?" Gerard bends down and takes her hands.

"Yeah, B. I'm off. You're gonna help Mama get all the stuff put away, though, right?" Bandit shakes her head vigorously and smiles up at her dad. 

"I love you daddy!" Gerard blinks a couple times to keep the tears away and kisses her on the cheek, hugging her tightly.

"I love you too, baby girl. So much." Bandit giggles and hops towards her mom, clinging to her leg and peeking at Gerard through the thick jean fabric. "Lyn... I'll call you." Lindsey nods and waves a little.

"Bye, Gerard."

Next thing Gerard knows, he's on another plane. Home, this time.

In the two months they were apart, they never really lost contact. Shortly after Gerard left, Jamia and the kids arrived home, where they talked things out and came to an agreement. The twins, Frank said, were very understanding. Miles didn't get it, of course, but Jamia made it seem okay, and Miles smiled the whole way through their talk. Frank stayed on the couch until he was able to find the perfect place for him and Gerard; it took a while, but it was worth it. 

Gerard and Frank talked every night, over text or over call, it really didn't matter to them; as long as they knew they were in it together. They talked about a lot, about the floor plans of their house and what they'd fill it with. Whether Gerard would have a room for art and Frank had one for music. Would they start the band up again? Gerard didn't know, Frank didn't either. They didn't touch that subject. They did, however, talk about the future. What they would do with their lives;  _together_. Things felt extremely right for once, regardless of the circumstances, and Gerard was  _happy._  

When Gerard explained the situation to Bandit, she understood, but was a little disappointed that mommy and daddy wouldn't live in the same house. She was, however, excited that she would be staying and Daddy and Frankie's house some weeks, not to mention that she'd see Lily, Cherry, and Miles more often. 

Frank felt good, too. Like a weight had been lifted from his back. One day, he took a look at his blog and read through all the old posts, shaking his head and contemplating deleteing the dribble. Instead, he kept them, as a reminder, and entered one more post before shutting his laptop.

_It was an idea._

 

Numerous cups of coffee and painfully short-bitten fingernails later, Gerard stepped off the plane into the stinging Jersey air. Pulling the collar of his coat around his numb ears, he set off toward's the front of the airport. 

Frank's face lights up when he sees Gerard in his dirty trench coat and faded blue jeans because he  _missed_ that stupid motherfucker. Flinging his arms out, Frank runs to Gerard because he  _can_ and because it's totally cliche and Gerard totally loves it. 

Gerard runs his hands through Frank's hair because it got fluffy while he was away, but it still smells like vanilla and oatmeal because Frank's an old lady like that. 

"Missed you.. So much." Frank whispers, burying his neck in Gerard's damp skin. Gerard holds him for a long time, maybe because he's finally solid in his arms, or maybe because Frank is holding on just as tightly. Frank lets go a little, because they have a lot more to do, and  _finally_ kisses him. Right there. In the middle of a Jersey airport because  _fuck everything, Gerard is here_. "Let's go." Gerard looks at him a little confused, still coming down from the clouds. "Home. Let's go home."

"Home." Gerard whispers back, and linking their fingers, that's where they go.  _Home._

 

 

_Five months later._

Living together is... unique. Most nights, they're alone, if Mikey or Ray hasn't flown up. The kids aren't there except for a few select weeks; generally, it's very quiet. Well, almost. Most the time, Frank's shitty record player is blasting out novelty records that make Gerard sing at alarmingly high octaves. Sometimes, Gerard feels like painting everything, including Frank. Other days, Frank plays music all day, barely leaving the studio to use the bathroom. But most days, they decide the world is paused, and they stay all morning in their cramped bed drinking vegan coffee and exchanging sweet touches. 

There are fights, too. Passionate ones, that usually involve a lot of throwing stuff and kicking walls. The best part though, is that they end with a fierce kiss, pushed up against the wall just enough so it's rough, and a couple hours of apologies. 

When the kids do come, they don't hide anything. Gerard still wraps his arms around Frank when he's watching the kids in the yard; and at dinner, Frank even gives Gerard a few kisses. The twins nor Bandit mind. They even worked together to draw a picture [out of glitter glue, of course] of Gerard and Frank holding hands and smiling... on their garage wall. Needless to say, they didn't clean it off. It was art, much like themselves. 

Frank makes Gerard coffee every morning and brings it to him in bed, kissing his eyelids awake and shuffling back under the covers for snuggling. That is, of course, if Gerard slept. There were those  nights when neither of them could sleep, and put that to much better use, if you know what I mean. 

All in all, they were together, they were happy, and it was forever. 

After all, it was an  _idea._


End file.
